{"id":31952,"date":"2021-01-03T06:05:08","date_gmt":"2021-01-03T06:05:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gsgf.greenschoolsgreenfuture.org\/?p=31952"},"modified":"2021-03-03T03:55:57","modified_gmt":"2021-03-03T03:55:57","slug":"what-you-not-school-should-teach-your-children-episode-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gsgf.greenschoolsgreenfuture.org\/fr\/what-you-not-school-should-teach-your-children-episode-3\/","title":{"rendered":"What you (not school) should teach your children (episode 3.)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Zip it and listen!!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The title of this post may sound controversial as we hear a lot of talks today about encouraging children to express their needs assertively and openly and not ignoring their voices. The intention of the post is not to silence children but to remind all of us (parents included) that good conversation requires a balance between speaking and listening. Here are my top three rules for being a good listener.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rule No. 1: If your mouths are open, you\u2019re not learning<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This rule, attributed to Buddha, could, in fact, end up all this reasoning about the importance of listening. When we speak, we only repeat what we already know and through listening, we can learn something new. If you want to learn anything about your children\u2019s world, listen to them. Listening gives us a chance to see the world through a child\u2019s eyes, to partake in his experiences, and to get a fresh perspective, unaffected by the socio-cultural mental programming we have in our adult minds.<\/p>\n<p>Listening with engagement creates an atmosphere of trust and safety \u2013 a fundamental thing from the primal brain perspective. So instead of having the agenda for the conversation, or a standard set of advice (or worse yet, teachings and preachings), just be curious. Ask open-ended questions e.g. How did you feel then? What is your thought on this situation? Be authentically interested in answers and truly listen to what your child has to share.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Rule No. 2: Listen with the intention to understand, not to reply<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This rule comes from Stephen R. Covey (\u2018The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People\u2019). Hard to argue with the Author saying: \u2018Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They\u2019re either speaking or preparing to speak.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Have this quote in mind anytime you\u2019re having a conversation with someone, not only your offspring. Try to decode emotions behind the words, as this is a key to understanding the essence of the message. Being interested in another person\u2019s story means you care, and everybody wants to be surrounded by people who care. Plus, talking about ourselves activate the pleasure and reward system in the brain, the same one that is activated by yummy food (it is proven with fMRI images). We all feel great when we talk about ourselves. Listen to your kids and let them speak \u2013 that\u2019s really the best way to show that you care about them and their lives.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rule No. 3: Don\u2019t be half in the conversation and half out of it.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Be present. Never multitask while participating in the conversation. No matter what HR experts would tell you, from the brain perspective, there\u2019s no such thing as multitasking! Our brain can focus on one thought at the same time. While multitasking, the brain in fact switches the attention from one task to another (this process is called \u2018fractioning attention\u2019 and it cost your brain a lot of energy). When your focus is on some other activity, you\u2019re not able to be authentically engaged in the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Scrolling social media feed, responding to email, or texting while your child is talking to you sends a clear signal: you do not deserve my attention. Don\u2019t do this. Be fully engage in listening, and do your best to remember what this human being standing in front of you is saying. These are these minor, seemingly not many significant situations that will decide on the quality of your relationship \u2013 now and in the future.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-28394 alignleft lazyload\" data-src=\"http:\/\/gsgf.greenschoolsgreenfuture.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Anna-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"112\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 100px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 100\/112;\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-28394 alignleft\" src=\"http:\/\/gsgf.greenschoolsgreenfuture.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Anna-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"100\" height=\"112\" \/><\/noscript><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Written by: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/anna-kaminska-executive-business-trainer\/\">Dr Anna Kaminska<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Zip it and listen!!!! The title of this post may sound controversial as we hear a lot of talks today about encouraging children to express their needs assertively and openly and not ignoring their voices. The intention of the post is not to silence children but to remind all of us (parents included) that good [&hellip;]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":32047,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[297],"class_list":["post-31952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-what-you-not-school-should-teach-your-children-episode-3"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What you (not school) should teach your children (episode 3.) - Green Schools Green Future<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Green Schools Green Future - What you (not school) should teach your children (episode 3.) 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